What do Einstein and Elvis have in common?
- Perplexed
Dear Perplexed.
Easy - neither of them invented gravity.
- Dr. N. Sayne.
Dear Dr N. Sayne,
I work with an absent-minded professor - who I think may be insane - what should I do?
- Igor
Dear Igor,
Exactly how absent-minded is… Egad! Purple spider-monkeys, all over me.
Sorry, what was the question?
- Dr. N. Sayne.
Dear Dr N. Sayne,
When Heisenberg discovered the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, how could he be sure?
- Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
Hmmmm, that’s a very good question... we do know the speed he was travelling at when he discovered it - but we’re not sure of the location...
- Dr N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I often think, what would happen if, instead, the stars were black - and the sky were all twinkly.
- Thoughtful
Dear Thoughtful,
- I often think.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
If one were to start a history of the evolution of musicals, where would one begin?
- Musical Lover
Dear Musical Lover
I’d say let’s start at the very beginning. It’s a very good place to start.
- Dr. N. Sayne,
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I notice a lot of people are starting to spell `lose’ with an extra `o’. So instead of “lose” they write “loose”. What’s next? “Looze?” Sheesh!
- Spelling Nazi
Dear Spelling Nazi,
Looze the ‘tood dood!
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I’m an evil overlord from a neighbouring galaxy, considering annihilating a planet nearby, to test out a new laser. Any thoughts?
Yvl Rvrlrrd
Dear Yvl Rvrlrrd,
Cool. If it works, can I borrow the laser? We have some annoying neighbours.
Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
I’m a mad scientist, not unlike yourself. Also, I’ve built an army of clones of you. Then, I put the clones to work in a factory - and they’re building a robot that looks just like you - and does everything you do, but 1% less efficiently. - I just wanted to let you know.
- Mad
Dear Mad
- Thanks.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
This is Mars, God of War. I see that you puny humans have named a planet near Earth after me - and are planning to send a human mission there in 2010. - I’m fine with all that. I’m also fine with naming the chocolate bar after me. But what’s with the two new planets? Xena and Gabriel? Gimme a break.
- Mars, God of War
Dear Mars,
Whatever you say.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
People often write to you, and ask “How fast can a leopard run?” or “What’s the tallest mountain?”… Well now, I’m asking, “How fast can a leopard run, up the tallest mountain?”
- Smug
Dear Smug,
It depends.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
I’m thinking of writing a letter to you - asking your advice about something. What do you think?
- Stumped
Dear Stumped
If that was it, the answer is `no’.
Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Igor
My boyfriend says I keep repeating myself, again and again and again and again and again and again.
- Left Hanging
Dear Left Hanging,
Sorry, what was the question again?
- Igor
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
Guess what? Yesterday I invented a time machine to travel forward to today - and read your answer to my question, before I even wrote it.
- Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Dear Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Interesting… So – to counter your ploy, I have invented a time machine - to send me back before you thought about asking the question, and tell you, that I know what you’re up to - and it won’t work.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
Aha - but it did work! Because - when you came back in time - I was already in the future! Hawhaw!
- Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Dear Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Hmmmm, you defeat me with your logic… So then - I suppose you knew I was going to say this?
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
Yes, I did! Haw haw haw!
- Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Dear Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
Ah, but did you know that - I also went forward in time - to see what I would answer to your first question - before you went back in time to ask it - after having seen my reply to it? Anyway, I suggest we meet at your place yesterday, and settle this like rational people.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr N Sayne,
I think you and your sidekick are the N. Saynest! The way you two solved the mystery of The Hound of the Baskervilles. – Sheer genius!
- Mighty Impressed
Dear Mighty Impressed
Welcome to Dumb-berg.
Population: You.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I’m thinking of writing you a letter. - Where to begin?
- Can’t Get Started
Dear Can’t Get Started
Start by picking up a pencil and paper, it shows you’re committed.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I’m from the Land That Time Forgot.
- Can’t Remember What I’m Doing Here
Dear Can’t Remember What I’m Doing Here,
Carry on.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
Okay, for $300 and the car - who wrote “Meet Me By the 3rd Roman Pillar on the Left” ?
- Game Show Host
Dear Game Show Host
I think you have the wrong column.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Igor,
My girlfriend thinks my name is “Sue”. How can I break it to her that it’s “Sue-Ann”?
- A Man Called Sue-Ann
Dear Sue-Ann
I don’t know.
- Igor
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I read that the woolly mammoths all died out, in the last ice age. But surely - anything with wool all over it - would be ok in the cold?
- Confused
Dear Confused,
I see.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
This is God, just writing to let you know, that I’m a woman.
- God
Dear God,
Dear God!
- Dr N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
The world’s gone insane! - Stop! Before it’s too wheelbarrow!
- Igor
Dear Igor
Eureka , you idiot!
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr N Sayne
I’ve heard that you and your pet assistant Igor - have a secret lab in a junkyard in the middle of nowhere. And that from this secret lab, you solve all the world’s problems – but that no-one ever hears about it, because it’s all done in a lab in a junkyard, in the middle of nowhere. - What do you say to that?
- The Caretaker in the Junkyard in the Middle of Nowhere
Dear Caretaker in the Junkyard in the Middle of Nowhere
- Rubbish!
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
How much wood can a woodchuck really chuck?
- Time & Motion Expert
Dear Time & Motion Expert
Depends.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
People say that you laugh at things that aren’t funny.
- Skeptical
Dear Skeptical,
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha – that’s not funny.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne
Why aren’t people using the question mark correctly any more?
- Concerned
Dear Concerned
Who cares.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I have overheard it said, and am beginning to think it’s true that, you have a gullible lab-rat, with a human ear on its back.
- Van Gogh, the Lab Rat with an Ear on Its Back
Dear Van Gogh, the Lab Rat with an Ear on Its Back
Don’t believe everything you hear.
- Dr. N. Sayne
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
I heard you have a glow-in-the-dark fish with a bad memory. I heard you have a glow-in-the-dark fish with a bad memory. I heard you have a glow-in-the-dark fish with a bad memory. I heard you have a glow-in-the-dark fish with a bad memory. If I was you, I’d probably get sick of that and just ignore it.
- Sparky, the Glow-in-the-Dark fish
Dear Dr. N. Sayne,
Doc, I’m beginning to think that when you operated on me, you gave me a flip-top head, not because you really need to be able to study my brain – but just because, it was more convenient for you.
- Igor
Dear Igor
Ridiculous! Open your mind, Igor - I need to soak my feet.
- Dr. N. Sayne
